Three Ways to Respect and Support Your Introverted Colleagues
By Anonymous VITAL faculty, TJ Murphy, and Rachel Levy
Remember when people were first asked to stay at home due to COVID-19? So many people expressed loneliness, boredom, anxiety, and other results of the forced reduction of in-person social interaction. In response, there was an outpouring of empathy, songs and memes, and multiple opportunities for online interactions. For at least some introverts, this came with a bit of sting. What? We finally reduce interactions and extroverts get all kinds of support and accommodation? No ridicule? No pressure to just get over it?
Introverts have been asking for people to understand their experiences for years. However, very little has changed in the workplace to acknowledge the challenges of functioning in an often-extrovert-centered world. With an increased emphasis on active learning, introvert students may suffer in our classrooms when we have noisy group work or lots of required interaction. We know active learning can benefit students, but we also must consider how to accommodate students for whom social interaction is exhausting unless it happens in manageable, efficient chunks.
We represent multiple locations on the introvert-extrovert spectrum. One of us is an introverted faculty member, TJ, who posts enough on Facebook that our extrovert, Ray reached out and suggested we write this post. We included another introvert who is a VITAL faculty member still on the job market for a tenure-track position. Being an introvert carries enough stigma that they are choosing to remain anonymous.
Our VITAL faculty collaborator noted that “When my university went online in spring 2020, my colleagues switched their in-person happy hour to Zoom happy hour. In contrast, I gleefully made a mental list of COVID-cancelled workplace socializing: post-colloquium dinners, pre-meeting small talk, awards ceremony receptions, copy room chit chat, people stopping by my office to talk… I’m not anti-social. I like socializing but in homeopathic doses. I’m an introvert. You might be too. Some of your colleagues most definitely are.”
You may already know that, in general, extroverts draw energy from interacting with other people, while introverts have their energy drained from interacting with other people. You may not know that “introvert” does not mean shy, timid, or anti-social. We’re hoping to give you some insight into what it is like to be an introvert, and what your introverted colleagues might appreciate from you.
If you’ve ever felt very, very tired of talking to people after a multi-day academic job interview or a conference, you have some sense of what an introvert feels every workday. Academia may involve a fair amount of solitary work time, but it is coupled with seminars, teaching, grant meetings, committee meetings, research meetings, … and all of those can be both intellectually and socially exhausting to your introverted colleagues. That end-of-conference day feeling that you’d like to just curl up in your hotel room and not talk to anyone is how introverts often feel at work. An introvert may prefer to go to their office, shut the door, and get their work done. For an extrovert, open office doors and the quick conversations that they afford may increase productivity, because extroverts gain energy from interacting with other people. For an introvert, they can just be draining. Everybody likes uninterrupted work time, but for introverts, it is a necessity.
Stay-at-home and other measures have been challenging for extroverts. The online replacements for social times may be even worse for introverts. It is hard to find the quiet sidelines of a conversation when everyone is expected to be in full view. One of the best ways you show respect to your introverted colleagues is to just let them be. At social events, they may be happiest to just listen and observe.
Recently, TJ’s mother explained, “It’s like one minute you are fine with talking and the next minute you are not.” TJ responded, “One minute I have one-minute’s worth of energy and the next minute that energy is drained. Just like a battery. One minute it has charge and then that charge gets used up and then the battery doesn’t have charge anymore.” In Summer 1997 (TJ’s second NExT MathFest), another Project NExT fellow pointed out to TJ that she has a 48-hour threshold of not getting any solitude before she becomes unbearable.” Sometimes schedules and socio-cultural expectations make finding that solitude difficult.
When Ray traveled for work, especially when her kids were young, her family created a tradition of “opening a channel” online to spend time together, without necessarily talking. She began to recognize the weariness that can come from a crowded poster session, where an extrovert’s brain might be trying to attend to everything. This helped her be more sensitive to the needs of introverted colleagues and students, especially when active learning techniques require more talking, interaction, and noise tolerance.
We hope that when someone lets you know they are an introvert, you will refrain from making a joke or arguing with them. Don’t say they can’t be an introvert because they “like people” or are “social enough.” Many introverts have learned how to act like an extrovert in order to meet society’s expectations. But it drains the energy out of us. Recognize that if you are uncomfortable with silence, that should not become an introvert’s responsibility to make you comfortable. Realize that introverts are generally not present to make sure you have something to do or someone paying attention to you.
With a little attention, you may start to notice when a colleague tries to draw a person into conversation to be “friendly” when the person may prefer to remain quiet. You can consider options for students who may be willing and able to interact, but for a limited time or in spaces without too much additional noise.
You can make a difference in your institution. Here are three mechanisms to help introverts in the workplace. You can think of this as a complement to all the things done for extroverts in the isolation of a pandemic.
Do away with or limit “open door” policies for faculty offices. These policies mean that introverts have absolutely nowhere safe to go to recharge when on campus.
Provide bagged lunch options at conferences and department retreats (people can take them to their room or office to get some time to recharge!)
Provide a quiet space (on or offline) for faculty to work together on projects with a “no talking” rule. When colleagues spend peaceful, constructive time together without talking (perhaps working independently), perhaps share something positive about it at a later time.
We all can put more thought into how to support our introverted students.
Want to learn more? We recommend Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking, by Susan Cain and this piece in The Atlantic by Jonathan Rauch.